MEEFERS - World Aids Day and my life with James

It is the time of year, as in years past, that I am reflective on World AIDS Day. Every December 1, I am reminded of the time when the news broke of this devastating disease that was once labeled “The Gay Disease.” I am reminded of the lives it has taken and how naive I was back in the 1980’s that I thought HIV/AIDS only affected people in the large metropolitan cities. I never would have never guessed that this disease would also hit close to home for me in 1991.

Shortly after graduating from high school and starting my first year of college, I had longed for two major things to occur in my life. The first was to lose weight and feel healthy and attractive; the second was to experience and fall in love with another man. I longed for a man who would capture my heart and that I would feel that incredible connection with. The weight never came off during my younger years and the boyfriend I had wanted to have in my life didn’t happen until I was in college in 1990.

I met my first real boyfriend at The Copa Nightclub, a gay bar in Flint, Michigan in 1990. His name was James and we were both drawn to each other almost instantly. Our first dance that night was a song by Chris DeBurgh called “The Lady in Red.” It is a heartfelt ballad that still gives me shivers to this day. After several dates and our connection strongly building, we were boyfriends and I honestly thought my prayers had been answered.

That following summer, James and I worked together at a summer camp on the east coast and enjoyed being together and seeing Boston and the surrounding areas of Connecticut on our days off. That fall, he moved in with me at college. While I was in school, James worked a job he hated at a local fast food restaurant. I knew soon he would be moving back to his hometown, about two hours away as he was just not happy. The discussion came right before the Christmas holiday season and James and I ended our interesting 8 1/2 month relationship. I was devastated and lonely. I was also mad at God for some reason taking him away from me when I had wanted to love and be loved by another man for so long.

I didn’t see much of James after that time. He was far away, but six months later I got news that left me speechless and sad. James had unprotected sex with another man and had contacted HIV. I called James to talk to him and my fear of the news I received second hand was true. Tearful, but trying to be strong, I told James that if things ever got rough and he needed a friend that I was there for him. Just because we were not together anymore, didn’t mean I wasn’t involved in his life. He said thank you and I did not hear from him again until the fall of 1996.

I found James, after some searching, living at his Dad’s house in 1996. His HIV status had developed quickly to full blown AIDS and he was not well. My heart sank. He also had lost his job and a majority of his friends, but was completely ecstatic to hear from me again. For the next two years, I loved him only as a friend could do and kept my promise. I watched this wonderful, amazing and creative man was slowly disappearing from me like an ice cube on a sidewalk. It was the hardest thing to watch. The disease is horrible and I watched him slowly fade away and on January 2, 1998, James lost his battle for survival.

I learned so much from that time in his final days. I did not leave that friendship bitter at the world for how his life was taken. What I did take away was a greater appreciation for unconditional friendship and love. I also learned about dedication through thick and through thin and being there for each other. It is so important for all of us to support people who are living with HIV/AIDS. Unless your life has been touched by some kind of tragedy like that, it is so hard to explain the drive and dedication to help others.

This World AIDS Day, I will remember James and how his wonderful, loving spirit touched my life at such a young age. I will remember so many lives that have been lost and many others that are struggling and living daily with HIV/AIDS. There are new medications out there but the battle has not been won. We all need to educate, protect and get tested.

The quilt panel I made for James many years ago for the AIDS Memorial Quilt will not bring him back, but I am reminded throughout the year and on every December 1 that an amazing man passed through my life that educated me, was my friend and loved me for who I was.

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